my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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