Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
