I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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