i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
