dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
