so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
