Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
