I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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