Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
