Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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