i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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