All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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