Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
