Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
