Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
