Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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