So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
