dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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