Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
