You really coming over, don't trick.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
