I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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