Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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