i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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