hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
