dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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