The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
