no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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