Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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