dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
