you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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