He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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