sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
