I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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