I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
