so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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