Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
