I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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