And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My vagina is officially offended.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
