So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think a kid would responsible me up
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
