remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
