Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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