yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
