I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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