Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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