Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
