Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
