I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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