my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
