Your mouth is God's brothel.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
