I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
