pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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