I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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