The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
