It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You did what with his pubic hair?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
